A Few Hundered Words

Tags

assessment, blessed, care, complicated, friendship, life, love, people, roundabout, thinking, what matters

Every now and then, you look around. Taking a pause from the busy life, you try to think on what matters in life and what not. The assessment often ends up burdening your shoulders and the heaviness in your heart irritates you. But in all those painful moments there is a simple fact that you are always aware of and that is “You need this”. It’s not a mystery that you tend to ignore it; I think out of ten people at-least the nine of them do the same thing. It’s in our nature to ignore the path that could lead to pain. But it’s also in our nature to seek what seems complicated.

And so as you assess your-self, you realize that this life you are living is nothing but a big roundabout, you start your journey to literally come back to the same point. The only thing that differs in the end is the experience and knowledge you carry with every milestone. And that triggers the series of actions where you start a countless thoughts to figure out what matters the most, you look around to do nothing else but count the number of people who cares about you and who you care about. You realize that it’s the only thing which always mattered and which will always matter. The smile and happiness you possess always comes from the memories of your past. You feel lucky to have those special people in your life. You feel blessed to have been in love, even if it was for a very short time.

And you are no longer in chaos, you think of everything as one single point of life. The point where you felt alive and when something touched your heart so gently yet strongly that you lack words to describe it. You wonder how could life has been this simple and you probably curse yourself for being ignorant. But trust me it’s ok, everyone does that.

So at this point of life, everything for you changes, I think that is what enlightenment really is. This is when you have a very simple solution to the confusion; you take control of your soul and simply become a better self.

Good-Byes

Tags

burdened, concerns, emotional outburst, emotions, experience, feelings, future, goodbyes, hard, interrogator, love, memories, next, nostalgia, present, questions, restrain, soul, suffocation, torture

Good-byes are always hard, no matter how good the journey had been, when it comes to bid good-bye your heart suffers the aches and goes into nostalgia.

The memories doesn’t go easy on you either, though they seem like soft and cute spells of happiness, they torture you like an interrogator. You seem stuck to a point of suffocation, you don’t want to move, not even a slight of motion. Your heart feels burdened just as your eyes and your soul. You just don’t want to say it, you restrain yourself from saying it, however you know it is the right thing to do. But you question yourself “is it?”.

You look into the eyes of your beloved, there is an immense love that you feel in your guts, there is an unsatisfied urge, an unsung song and an incomplete story. You know your heart, you know how badly you want to seize this moment, but you are confused and you think you do not have a choice.

“What will happen next?” your heart worries, it’s always the same, you’ve always been worried about future, about the right and wrong and so you’ve skipped the present.

“Was it worth the silence?” you question again and again.

Good-byes are hard, harder than anything you will ever experience.

Silence : Chapter 4- Death Is Mere Fiction

Tags

breaths, dark sun, death, dream, end, fiction, frienship, garden, Grave, Graveyard, Headstone, Health, in the end, inscription, love, park, running, shivers, swiftness, walking

For every pain there is a relief, there is an end to it and there is a cure

After days and nights of struggle, mourning and depression I decide to go out of my house.  A walk might just bring me back to life I guessed. It’s still dark; sun is sleeping somewhere, hiding behind the clouds waiting to show some light. I close the door and climb up the stairs to get out of the apartment. As I step out the main door I realize that I haven’t locked my apartment. I run back inside and lock the door, days like this I miss my roommate because if he is there I never have to lock my door.

The first step out on the road makes me feel like I am alive, but at the same time it realizes me that my body has grown weak in last couple of days. My leg still shivers, but the mind remain strong and push me to walk. As I start walking, the silence inside me stares at everything around, although eyes feel a little pain but they seem happy to capture the difference between darkness and the fading one. There is no more tears but still a sense of loneliness and a complain. I walk for a while, its quiet chilly looks like winter is here, I am sure it is going to knock on my door sooner than I would realize. A little breeze touches my skin and I feel the sensation, I finally feel something different from the silence that was killing me for so long. I walk till the main road and as I step on it I just start running. I can feel that my breaths are becoming short but I don’t stop feels like I can’t stop. I keep running.

People pass by, birds flew over me, and squirrels are busy looking for food as the sun smiles from far away. I run towards the sun, I can feel the warmth; I can see it smiling on me. My legs keep moving to and fro, they don’t stop and slowly the weakness vanishes, they feel no pain just the pleasure that arouses from the sweat and the wind. Hairs try and try again to grab some of the breeze but they fail every time and surrender to the swiftness and agility of wind. For a while I run and then I stop, tears roll out of my eyes, the heavy heart just screams out loud, it cries hard. I decide to sit on the park that was on the way and so wiping my tears I walk towards it. The park is empty, nobody is around at least for few moments, but sooner it would be crowded. I sit on the bench and watch the sun rising up to the sky, singing and smiling to me. As the darkness fades everything seems so clear, mind seems light and mesmerized by the beauty of nature.

My eyes scroll to the sky, to the ground, and then I notice a graveyard not very far from the park, my mind insists to go there but heart seems so broken and afraid. For a moment I think and then for an unknown reason my legs start moving towards the graveyard. Something in me assures that its ok, tells me that I’ll find the cure and motivation to live again. I walk for a while and then the next moment I stand inside the graveyard. The thought that I was not there for his funeral did not kill me anymore, seemed that I found an answer to that question I had been asking for last couple of days; my heart doesn’t feel the guilt anymore. I was there standing beside somebody’s grave thinking that he could have been here just as he was somewhere else in the world, I realize that his true grave is not anywhere else in the world but in my heart and my mind.

I look around; I kept looking until my eyes found the glimpse they have waited for. There it was shining with sun rise, old white stone that had witness decades of outbursts. I walk towards it. Every step lightens my weight, lighten the heaviness of my heart and let me loosen the rope of guilt and regret. Tears rolls out of my eyes in an outburst and I sit down next to the grave. It felt like it’s his grave; its him whom I am sitting beside. For hours I sit there staring at the old white head stone, picturing him and slipping in and out of nostalgia.

“Don’t cry in my memory; remember the time we spent smiling together. Let them tell you that I love you and I care for you.”

The inscription was just the thing he would say to me if I could have a chance to meet him the one last time. Beside this old white headstone there was another headstone. The inscription on that said:

 “I kept my promise, I come to you”.

There was no guilt and regret any more I close my eyes and didn’t realize when the sleep caught my eyes. Hours later I woke up with the murmurings of the people gathered around me. They were talking about something, pointing downwards on the grave probably. I turned around and couldn’t hide my happiness when I saw him standing right there. I jumped over him and hugged him. We walked away from there, together teasing and playing once again.

Death is a mere fiction; it’s a myth for it’s not an end, not a cure. It’s just a beginning.

 

The End …