Diary of a Young Man – Part 13

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Addictions, Business, Chapters, Conditions and Diseases, Health, Heart Disease, Re-Blog, Recreation, Shopping, Smoking cessation, Substance Abuse, Tic-tac-toe, Tobacco

March 18 Th 2003

An eagerness to witness a miracle speeds up and the heart screams again. Most of the times in your life you are unaware of the terms you share with people around you are not sure about the positives they look in you and then the negatives they hate in you.

I don’t know why we tends to look life that way. Is it all depends on what people think about you and not about how you actually are?

Last 10 days!

All the last days, I just counted on the things I left, honestly about the things those left me alone. It’s really amazing and terrifying as how people leave you alone in suck a strange way. The buddies who stepped with you and moved over all of your nerves, the buddies who means something for you leaves you alone at such critical point.

I’ve always been scared about being lonely and then the fears have always been raised at time I was to face those moments. At Every corner I’ve found same strangest of my own parts and of my soul when the heart says to quit, mind rules and dictates to move forwards. When the mind says to quit, heart rules and dictates success. That’s how I never actually quit and the body even after suffering a lot knows the only slogan “Never Back Down”.

I’ve found many strangers inside me and it’s really magical as I never knew that my single frame hides so many souls. Each stranger is unique and their imbibed nature is the proof of their individuality.

“Take to the extent” is all that keeps running in me…

These two brown eyes shed tears, they cry hard and they expect but whatever may be the case they know how to survive. One everlasting attitude of a warrior and a fighter who never shows its real strength until there is an urgent call. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to though; you want to share the burdens and heaviness you’ve been carrying for so long. But during most of those times you are still afraid that what that person might think of you until you touch their heart or they touch yours.

Rarely does it happen that words can pierce your heart, because your heart never acts as one transparent sheet but as storage, the black hole.

I am not sleeping child I am awake; I know how the heart beats and how it cries after laughing for years.

Your desires seem to have been protracted and there is where you are really afraid. The warrior inside don’t know how to fight for the first time. He is unable to control his frame, the troubling desire extends its limits and they want him to get in right away. They want him to touch the extreme, jump into the depth to touch the core. The fighter quits for the first time and he is affected by the extended desires.

He no longer knows how to hold and control, his soul screams to stop but the body and the frame pulls him up again.

 

 

 

 

 

Diary of a Young Man – Part 6

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Art, Business, Chapters, Health, Jesus, Psychology, Shopping, Social Sciences

March 9 Th 2003

A special feeling is the one that is unique and rare to witness. Just with a smile when you step up and face the realities of world, I am sure you can start with one of those special feelings.

The touchy breeze and the beautiful smell arouses all lost senses of affection and then when they makes sure about presence you are ready for having a blast and to feel all.

A long ride and that too with someone you trust and care a lot makes you a better self and provides a way to regain all lost faith. Now you grow confident that all your dreams may come true…

Sometimes you think about certain things but when they really find a real existence you can’t control your emotions and then all goes beyond the curbing power of one’s soul.

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Silence : Chapter 4- Death Is Mere Fiction

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breaths, dark sun, death, dream, end, fiction, frienship, garden, Grave, Graveyard, Headstone, Health, in the end, inscription, love, park, running, shivers, swiftness, walking

For every pain there is a relief, there is an end to it and there is a cure

After days and nights of struggle, mourning and depression I decide to go out of my house.  A walk might just bring me back to life I guessed. It’s still dark; sun is sleeping somewhere, hiding behind the clouds waiting to show some light. I close the door and climb up the stairs to get out of the apartment. As I step out the main door I realize that I haven’t locked my apartment. I run back inside and lock the door, days like this I miss my roommate because if he is there I never have to lock my door.

The first step out on the road makes me feel like I am alive, but at the same time it realizes me that my body has grown weak in last couple of days. My leg still shivers, but the mind remain strong and push me to walk. As I start walking, the silence inside me stares at everything around, although eyes feel a little pain but they seem happy to capture the difference between darkness and the fading one. There is no more tears but still a sense of loneliness and a complain. I walk for a while, its quiet chilly looks like winter is here, I am sure it is going to knock on my door sooner than I would realize. A little breeze touches my skin and I feel the sensation, I finally feel something different from the silence that was killing me for so long. I walk till the main road and as I step on it I just start running. I can feel that my breaths are becoming short but I don’t stop feels like I can’t stop. I keep running.

People pass by, birds flew over me, and squirrels are busy looking for food as the sun smiles from far away. I run towards the sun, I can feel the warmth; I can see it smiling on me. My legs keep moving to and fro, they don’t stop and slowly the weakness vanishes, they feel no pain just the pleasure that arouses from the sweat and the wind. Hairs try and try again to grab some of the breeze but they fail every time and surrender to the swiftness and agility of wind. For a while I run and then I stop, tears roll out of my eyes, the heavy heart just screams out loud, it cries hard. I decide to sit on the park that was on the way and so wiping my tears I walk towards it. The park is empty, nobody is around at least for few moments, but sooner it would be crowded. I sit on the bench and watch the sun rising up to the sky, singing and smiling to me. As the darkness fades everything seems so clear, mind seems light and mesmerized by the beauty of nature.

My eyes scroll to the sky, to the ground, and then I notice a graveyard not very far from the park, my mind insists to go there but heart seems so broken and afraid. For a moment I think and then for an unknown reason my legs start moving towards the graveyard. Something in me assures that its ok, tells me that I’ll find the cure and motivation to live again. I walk for a while and then the next moment I stand inside the graveyard. The thought that I was not there for his funeral did not kill me anymore, seemed that I found an answer to that question I had been asking for last couple of days; my heart doesn’t feel the guilt anymore. I was there standing beside somebody’s grave thinking that he could have been here just as he was somewhere else in the world, I realize that his true grave is not anywhere else in the world but in my heart and my mind.

I look around; I kept looking until my eyes found the glimpse they have waited for. There it was shining with sun rise, old white stone that had witness decades of outbursts. I walk towards it. Every step lightens my weight, lighten the heaviness of my heart and let me loosen the rope of guilt and regret. Tears rolls out of my eyes in an outburst and I sit down next to the grave. It felt like it’s his grave; its him whom I am sitting beside. For hours I sit there staring at the old white head stone, picturing him and slipping in and out of nostalgia.

“Don’t cry in my memory; remember the time we spent smiling together. Let them tell you that I love you and I care for you.”

The inscription was just the thing he would say to me if I could have a chance to meet him the one last time. Beside this old white headstone there was another headstone. The inscription on that said:

 “I kept my promise, I come to you”.

There was no guilt and regret any more I close my eyes and didn’t realize when the sleep caught my eyes. Hours later I woke up with the murmurings of the people gathered around me. They were talking about something, pointing downwards on the grave probably. I turned around and couldn’t hide my happiness when I saw him standing right there. I jumped over him and hugged him. We walked away from there, together teasing and playing once again.

Death is a mere fiction; it’s a myth for it’s not an end, not a cure. It’s just a beginning.

 

The End …