Be what you want

In all the random choices you can make, we tend to make all the ones desired by our loved ones. It’s a vicious cycle of desire and needs, be it love or sacrifices, it’s inherently exhausting at times. Yes, the submission to relationships has been amazing in past, and yes it did provide strong family support and sometimes made you feel all-powerful but like Stan Lee wrote “with great power comes great responsibility” – This is something we tend to forget easily.

The whole concept of endless efforts to maintain a relationship does seem fruitless and puts an extreme emotional strain, yet people continuously put those efforts.

I wonder what drives people to continue to succumb to relationships. Is it the fear of losing, real love, moral obligation, or a program that is driving generations? A matrix yeah!

Compared to some cases where relationships are undervalued so easily at times, it does seem that what we have are the necessary evil and a greener valley. But is it necessary?

Of course, we can’t generalize anything but perhaps we can and quote it to free speech.

Thinking a bit more about relationships, what would you really like? I mean it’s not a prepackaged bottle of cold coffee that you can order on the market, it’s more of a homemade cup of tea meant specifically for individuals, where some may need more milk and sugar than others or perhaps some need strong flavor than other. So mostly it is a custom variation tailored to individuals.

But if that is the case, generalizing and putting all of these in norms would be controversial and rather incorrect.

And I believe that is the main problem, considering every relationship is unique so it would need unique tending and subtracting the cycle of desire and need, you may achieve a perfect one. Because in fact love in itself is selfless and if that is the foundation of every relationship, shouldn’t a relationship be selfless and unbounded?

Having said that, in the end, what really matters is what you want and how you want to spend these years of your life if you ask me – it’s ok for a guy and a girl to be just friends, it’s okay not to roll over on every expectation from your parents, its ok not to be fond of your siblings, it’s ok to be in love with multiple people, self or no one, its ok to be divorced, it’s ok to be married, it’s ok to be not wanting kids, it’s ok to have affection for others, it’s ok not to want a career, its ok to want s career and not marriage, it’s ok to be a gym freak, it’s ok to be people, pleaser, it’s ok to be married and have kids but still not love your spouse, it’s ok to adopt kids and be a single mother or father, its ok to be in love and then be out of it, and its ok to be what you want.

A Few Hundered Words

Tags

assessment, blessed, care, complicated, friendship, life, love, people, roundabout, thinking, what matters

Every now and then, you look around. Taking a pause from the busy life, you try to think on what matters in life and what not. The assessment often ends up burdening your shoulders and the heaviness in your heart irritates you. But in all those painful moments there is a simple fact that you are always aware of and that is “You need this”. It’s not a mystery that you tend to ignore it; I think out of ten people at-least the nine of them do the same thing. It’s in our nature to ignore the path that could lead to pain. But it’s also in our nature to seek what seems complicated.

And so as you assess your-self, you realize that this life you are living is nothing but a big roundabout, you start your journey to literally come back to the same point. The only thing that differs in the end is the experience and knowledge you carry with every milestone. And that triggers the series of actions where you start a countless thoughts to figure out what matters the most, you look around to do nothing else but count the number of people who cares about you and who you care about. You realize that it’s the only thing which always mattered and which will always matter. The smile and happiness you possess always comes from the memories of your past. You feel lucky to have those special people in your life. You feel blessed to have been in love, even if it was for a very short time.

And you are no longer in chaos, you think of everything as one single point of life. The point where you felt alive and when something touched your heart so gently yet strongly that you lack words to describe it. You wonder how could life has been this simple and you probably curse yourself for being ignorant. But trust me it’s ok, everyone does that.

So at this point of life, everything for you changes, I think that is what enlightenment really is. This is when you have a very simple solution to the confusion; you take control of your soul and simply become a better self.

Dilemma

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caste, centuries, color, comfort, corrupted, culture, darkness, descrimination, dilemma, flaws, good, honesty, human, hypocrite, inevitable, lies, light, physical form, race, religion, safe, selfish, souls, truth

Strange as it is, we often find ourselves stuck in the dilemma of either to tell the truth or not. I guess it’s easier to hide things, to lie and to ignore. And it probably makes us feel safe but the end is inevitable, at one point we all confess, the truth comes out and everyone gets a hold of you. It has been like this for centuries, probably for the eternity and it will be the same. Running from the facts that something is happening doesn’t undo it, probably gives you comfort but honestly what comfort is in a lie than to accept the truth.

In real world it is definitely not this simple, but I think the idea has always been the same, we did invent religion, culture, caste, race and what not, but what has always been there, has been the concept of a moral code, the moral code to speak truth, to love, to care, and to embrace the souls beyond their physical form.

I won’t say that I am not touched by the darkness around, my soul as of I know might have been corrupted even before I realized what I really was. I am not saying that I have never been a hypocrite or selfish, and probably I am all of what I despise. But everyday I sense this good in me, I sense the need to be just and a desire to carry the light and I choose to be that better person who accepts his flaws and acts on them.

Certainties Of Uncertainties

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certainities, faces, floats, gold, haunts, matters, need, ponder, propelling, razy, richness, sacrifices, selfish, surface, think, uncertainities

The certainties of uncertainties haunts us as the propelling faces around and so every now and then you are forced to think about it, think that it’s not what you do and it’s not your sacrifices that matters but what comes out of them and what floats on the surface as a shining gold stream. Of course in the end we all are crazy of richness and for the wealth that we don’t even fully understand. And as we ponder on it, the desire to be respected, to be cherished and to be called upon is nothing but the greed to exist instead of a need to exist. But if you put your heart on it, wouldn’t you realize that the beautiful part of a fall is not in the fall but the jump that lead to it, just like the journey is more beautiful than the destination. Still to think in a direction we have long lost, I guess in the urge to climb up the stairs, we as a society has just stepped on people and their humanity, and we have come so far that it’s impossible to go back, its impossible to accept that we were wrong and that we are wrong.

Diary of a Young Man – Part 17

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7 billion, big blue sky, big city, bird, bluishness, choices, coma, confused, conversation, count, darkness, determine, disguise, exist, find, gaze, growing up, happiness, hours, lack of peace, not sure, random, realization, right, society, someone, space, stars, stubborn, time traveller, tremendous, unending, universe, unrealistic, vastness, wonder, world, wrong

June 21 2015

Slipping into the coma of choices, I wonder where is the right answer. For hours, I gaze at the stars but the silence sails smooth, then with a thought I pick up the books but there is nothing, no one has ever explained me that “what being right is” and even when they do, I guess I am never convinced. All I know is that, there is no cheat code, and no short cut but the lonely road and a tiring journey. I wonder if there is something wrong with me, am I different? Am I the outcast or the unwanted? I guess I have always wondered about these things. It’s like a realization, that grew up as I did, the realization that I don’t fit in, the thought that, I come from a different age, a different era. Am I a time traveller?

I look around and stare at people, the faces of reality marked with a disguise of happiness and love, why are we so complicated? Why are we so stubborn and unrealistic? And why there is a lack of peace?

Reality is of-course different than what you see, lying on the grass in the park and gazing at the big blue sky, is it real? I am not sure, neither you are. We see what we want to see, we see the bluishness, we notice the vastness and the beauty but there is way more than that, there is this tiny little bird flying above the reach of your eyes, few airplanes as well, then behind the bluishness, there is this tremendous darkness and an unending space, an unending universe. But we didn’t see that, did we? So again reality is different than what you see.

As the wise men said, there is always two ways to life, two choices: the easy one and the hard one. The one you pick is the one that shapes yours journey ahead. I don’t believe in destiny, I guess I never have, for me life is simple; it’s the choices that you make and nothing else. Blaming the circumstances is surely one way to go about it, but even when I do that, just like others I know it is not the right thing to do. But then again my minds tricks me back to the question “what being right really is?”

Many a times in some random conversation I realize that nobody is really sure of what life is, no body has an idea of what they are doing, of what is the purpose of there being, but then we all are just breathing to find it, to determine as to where we belong in this big world. And here I am sitting in the room of this big city, thinking of being of a value, a value to someone, a value to something, but do I count, there are more than 7 billion people in this world and I am not sure of what I am, I am not even sure if I exist.

Good-Byes

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burdened, concerns, emotional outburst, emotions, experience, feelings, future, goodbyes, hard, interrogator, love, memories, next, nostalgia, present, questions, restrain, soul, suffocation, torture

Good-byes are always hard, no matter how good the journey had been, when it comes to bid good-bye your heart suffers the aches and goes into nostalgia.

The memories doesn’t go easy on you either, though they seem like soft and cute spells of happiness, they torture you like an interrogator. You seem stuck to a point of suffocation, you don’t want to move, not even a slight of motion. Your heart feels burdened just as your eyes and your soul. You just don’t want to say it, you restrain yourself from saying it, however you know it is the right thing to do. But you question yourself “is it?”.

You look into the eyes of your beloved, there is an immense love that you feel in your guts, there is an unsatisfied urge, an unsung song and an incomplete story. You know your heart, you know how badly you want to seize this moment, but you are confused and you think you do not have a choice.

“What will happen next?” your heart worries, it’s always the same, you’ve always been worried about future, about the right and wrong and so you’ve skipped the present.

“Was it worth the silence?” you question again and again.

Good-byes are hard, harder than anything you will ever experience.

Sunken Ships

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best buddies, call, cold hearted, college, confused, connection, forgetful, friend, frienship, hearts, listening, Relationships, school, strangers, sunken, yesterday, young

Strange as it is, friendship is confusing. It changes with time and then changes again. We were only friends yesterday, but today just strangers listening to other strangers. Yesterday, we were best buddies but today we are nothing. I wonder why are we like this, cold hearted and forgetful.

It’s the same story, when we were in school we had friends, when we were in college we had other friends and now when we are working we have other friends. I agree some people keep in touch with old friends, some even carry forward the friendship and takes it to a lifetime but then not all of us do that.

How many of you out there have been in touch with a friend who probably helped you through tough times or probably just heard you out when you were young and confused. It’s strange, really strange because I can count a lot of friends I haven’t talked to in a while and I am sorry and sad about this, about them not knowing what is going on in my life and me being unaware of their stories.

Some say it is a normal process, a bound to happen fate. I deny it, just like I deny that there is a destiny. I think we just grew up so selfish and so egoistic that we didn’t keep touch with the people who mattered and who matters.

How can a connection ever be false or vague? It doesn’t have to be specific but then it is a connection, a spark, isn’t it?

Talk to a friend today, may be it will make you feel better or the best, it will make them feel better.

In Time

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anger, blank, darkness, hammering, in time, like, mind, presumptions, question, strange sound, sun set, taking my time, thinking, walls

4:00 AM

I stare at this blank page thinking if I have an idea, a clue or anything to write, but no I have nothing for now. This is a rare occasion when I sit with a blank mind, running out of thoughts.

9:00 AM

It’s cold here I wonder what happened to summer, where is it? Hello….

Is anybody out there?

7:00 PM

I look out now and stare at the dark blue dense clouds on the light blue sky, it’s about time for the sunset, but is this the sun set of another judgment or ego in me? Or is this something else? Is this not the sunset but the dawn of another decision? Who knows, life is complicated and confusing but I guess that is why it is fun.

Thinking of emotions I guess there is no sadness in me and no worries but then there is anger that never really runs out.

8:00 PM

I question on the very existence of everything not because it seems cool, but my purpose is to get answers, who doesn’t want answers?

Do you want to sit straight and never ask anything but only follow the herd?

Is it enough for you?

9:00 PM

I am still here thinking that in time the thought process will end and I would go back to being blank. I liked it better than running around and hammering the walls of presumptions to find reality.

Remember When

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cold thoughts, lonely, money, stuck

* Remember when you were a kid, you had so many dreams

* that was the amazing time, the time when you didn’t sit

* in front of computers the whole day but you spend that

* time amongst your best buddies, you talked, you fought

* but yes you loved each other like nothing else

* do you remember the time when you saw her first?

* when you felt so attracted that you didn’t feel earth beneath

* your feet. That was an amazing time, the moment when you fell

* in love, yes love the only beautiful thing around you.

* Do you remember when you kissed her, yes that was the amazing

* moment, when you wrapped around each other, when you bunked classes,

* when you did dream of future, yes all those were the amazing moments

* of your life.

*

* But today is not an amazing moment, you are stuck here sitting

* on the chair that only makes money and helps in buying a portion

* of fraud happiness. Today you are merely a machine, an instrument

* of hypothetical progress, and a passion of binaries. There is only

* smartness and intelligence in it, but not even a hundred percent of

* that and definitely zero percent of beauty and love.

*

A Walk To Remember

We have existed for so long, gone around the world, streets and floors, just to find out how alone we really are, and to find how twisted our souls are. I have always wondered about this, walked on this, with thoughts of future and present. There are lot of walks to remember, but this one is special. This one walk, leads me to self discovery, this one walk, runs around the flesh and bones, just to find me in a midst of everything.

Beating hearts, uplifting this night to the day grows into a song of unseen beauty. And we walk this night, to a strange but comfortable place, deep into the sparkling blue ocean, the hazel silk and the innocence of heart, casting the spell. Sooner or later, you round up yourself into the grasp and figure out the way to let it all go, yes that kind of walk is “A Walk To Remember”.