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June 21 2015

Slipping into the coma of choices, I wonder where is the right answer. For hours, I gaze at the stars but the silence sails smooth, then with a thought I pick up the books but there is nothing, no one has ever explained me that “what being right is” and even when they do, I guess I am never convinced. All I know is that, there is no cheat code, and no short cut but the lonely road and a tiring journey. I wonder if there is something wrong with me, am I different? Am I the outcast or the unwanted? I guess I have always wondered about these things. It’s like a realization, that grew up as I did, the realization that I don’t fit in, the thought that, I come from a different age, a different era. Am I a time traveller?

I look around and stare at people, the faces of reality marked with a disguise of happiness and love, why are we so complicated? Why are we so stubborn and unrealistic? And why there is a lack of peace?

Reality is of-course different than what you see, lying on the grass in the park and gazing at the big blue sky, is it real? I am not sure, neither you are. We see what we want to see, we see the bluishness, we notice the vastness and the beauty but there is way more than that, there is this tiny little bird flying above the reach of your eyes, few airplanes as well, then behind the bluishness, there is this tremendous darkness and an unending space, an unending universe. But we didn’t see that, did we? So again reality is different than what you see.

As the wise men said, there is always two ways to life, two choices: the easy one and the hard one. The one you pick is the one that shapes yours journey ahead. I don’t believe in destiny, I guess I never have, for me life is simple; it’s the choices that you make and nothing else. Blaming the circumstances is surely one way to go about it, but even when I do that, just like others I know it is not the right thing to do. But then again my minds tricks me back to the question “what being right really is?”

Many a times in some random conversation I realize that nobody is really sure of what life is, no body has an idea of what they are doing, of what is the purpose of there being, but then we all are just breathing to find it, to determine as to where we belong in this big world. And here I am sitting in the room of this big city, thinking of being of a value, a value to someone, a value to something, but do I count, there are more than 7 billion people in this world and I am not sure of what I am, I am not even sure if I exist.