Dark prevails on each and every corner where you cannot let the light to scratch. Pain will survive and suffice.
The stare at the mirror, a pause!
Water is still flowing from the valves, makes a strange sound, I guess that might be the sound of life.
Eyes seem so burdened and so heavy, the more I try to open them the more they shut down on me. With a brief breath I take some water on my hand and hit it on my face, it hurts and the pain is unendurable, my face is swollen like I’ve got the beat down. Learnt from my mistake now I splash some more water on my face but slowly and slowly taking my time.
Moments later I came back to my room and lay down on my bed. My stomach makes all kind of weird noises, I know I need some food, I am hungry. I force myself to stand up, weakness is killing me. But I know I can’t die now, I know that can never be an option for me, and he wouldn’t have wanted this for me. I step up and drag myself to the kitchen.
Did I clean my refrigerator? I don’t even remember when the last time I actually cleaned it. It stinks, fungus on bread, chicken so smelly and spinach is turned shaggy. I can’t eat it, I can’t eat anything.
What have I become? So broken and in such a despair.
I search through the drawers and luckily finds a packet of pretzels, then move back to my room, later I switch on my laptop and logs in to Facebook. The news of his death is all over my wall; everybody is consoling and expressing their sorrows. “RIP” is what I see everywhere.
My heart is bleeding, I can’t hold my tears, and not anymore I can try to be strong. I stare at the picture, the picture of four of us together for the last time, so many memories and so many moments I have had with them, but now when he is gone, he took what he tried so hard to imbibe on us. I stare at the faces, everybody telling their story moreover sharing it from other’s eyes.
Deep down inside I know.
I know I have to move on, grab the life at least what is left, not just for me but for us.
Emotions have their seasons but the favorite of them is Pain